we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
