well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
