lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We are all done wearing pants today
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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