i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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