that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
