we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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