There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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