I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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