john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
