so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
