youre lurking in front of me
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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