I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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