"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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