dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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