Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
