Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
