you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.