True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong