I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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