Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more

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(734): View more from Michigan

cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.

(630): View more from Illinois

if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.

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(760): View more from California

Joe is yelling at the trees again.

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(812): View more from Indiana

sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(407): View more from Florida

shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.

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(727): View more from Florida

I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.

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(720): View more from Colorado

This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow

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(214): View more from Texas

We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.

(469): View more from Texas

Tequila happens.

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