i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
