all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
