Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize