i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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