Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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