I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
