Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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