I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
