What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
