____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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