What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Too much gin, very little bucket
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
