I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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