My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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