I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
