Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You're like the curious george of whores
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
