It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
