Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
