I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize