piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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