The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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