guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
