Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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