He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
