I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
