What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
