he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
