so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
