I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
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I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize