Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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