i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
