Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
