If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
