i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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