HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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