I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I FOUND THE LEGS
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
