You made me cry and you don't even care
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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