My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
