I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
