My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
