First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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