their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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