I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
