have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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