Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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